copyright © 2005 Scott Owen

Several people have asked me why I write about such intimate things on my website, for the whole world to see. So, why do I do this?

It's not that I am an exhibitionist: quite the contrary, at times I feel too exposed. And yet, even then, I make a conscious decision to leave this information generally available, not to hide or censor, even though I'd sometimes prefer to feel a little less vulnerable to people's opinions. At a previous job in Amsterdam, for example, it turned out that someone had searched for me on the Internet and discovered my website, and most people in my department knew more about me on my first day than I would know of them after five years. The advantage was that there was nothing for me to fear at that job - no rumours or whispers - because all the cards were on the table even before I started. The truth empowered me.

Years ago, in the days of BBSs (Bulletin Board Systems) and before the web, I used to use CompuServe, when it was a private dial-in network. I was a member of a few discussion groups, and I found my views were being drowned out by bigots and bullies - some of whom hated 'in the name of God' - and a lot of self-loathing people who preferred the 'safety' of the ghetto and fleeting encounters. But beyond CompuServe - out in the 'real world' - I also felt bombarded with presumptions and prejudices. It can get quite lonely and disheartening at times. Even today, people assume that same-sex relationships don't last long (I still get asked, Are you and Hans still together?), or that, if you're gay, you must hold particular opinions on faith and morals, and on a whole range of issues which have nothing to do with sexuality. If I were to mistake all that prejudice for truth, then my soul would shrivel and die.

CompuServe was quite limited back then, in terms of 'personal pages'. From the very beginnings of the web, though, I knew I had found my medium. In the early 90's, I set up a webpage (first on simplex.nl, then cistron.nl, then a2000.nl/chello.nl) to tell my story, and set out my views, where nobody could drown out my voice with their hate, and where I could offer a safe place to others who were searching, so that they might find some inspiration to believe in themselves, as individuals.

Since I was changing providers fairly frequently, I decided, in 1999, to register my own domain (ScottOwen.org, hosted on chello.nl), so I could always have an email address that went wherever I did, and so links from search engines and other websites wouldn't keep breaking every time I moved. In 2001 I started hosting on my own server. But I digress...

I am trying to live my life, not based on what others expect, nor based on what 'everyone else does', but based on what my core values and aspirations are. And I want to show others that it's okay to be an individual - that, even if everybody else on the planet does something in a particular way, or doesn't believe in something in which you do believe, it's okay for you to be who you are and blaze your own trail. For example, just because 65% - or even if it were 99% - of all marriages end up in divorce, doesn't mean yours must. You don't have to let 'fate' dictate your life, nor statistics - nor prejudices - doom you to failure.

So it's not to prove something to the bigots and bullies - my website is neither a defense, nor an apology -, it's intended for the thoughtful, searching reader. I've had many, many people write to me over the years, and a number of those had been on the verge of suicide, but said they'd found hope in my website, discovering that they were not alone, and that there was another path. They don't have to leave their faith because they were gay; they don't have to deceive and to marry someone of the opposite sex in order to have a committed relationship; they don't have to fulfill someone else's dreams; and they don't have to be someone else in order to be loveable and loved.

If I were to lose a potential 'friend', or a job opportunity, because of this website, then I'm better off without that trash in my life. If superficial co-workers read this website and gossip, then it only exposes their tragic shallowness and emptiness. As scary as it can be to be so exposed, it's worth it. After all, how could having to project a false or superficial image of yourself make you feel secure?

I do this because it allows me to give to others, with the benefit of having confidence in what I receive.